George said it best...

Taxman
by George Harrison

Let me tell you how it will be,
There’s one for you, nineteen for me,
‘Cos I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
Should five per cent appear too small,
Be thankful I don’t take it all,
‘Cos I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
If you drive a car, I’ll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I’ll tax your seat,
If you get too cold, I’ll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I’ll tax your feet.
Taxman.
‘Cos I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.


Don’t ask me what I want it for
If you don’t want to pay some more
‘Cos I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
Now my advice for those who die,
Declare the pennies on your eyes,
‘Cos I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
And you’re working for no-one but me,
Taxman.




Yes I'm still mad at Revenue Canada

I'm feeling a bit taxed

Don't you hate it when you're feeling fine and think you have to burp and throw up instead. At least I missed the laptop.

I have the feeling that all of Satan's henchmen work for Revenue Canada.

Tracy's Beatlemania: Chapter one

Have you ever listened to “Mother” by John Lennon? It’s very sad if you know anything about him. I’m a bit of a Beatles buff but am rather partial to Paul. Paul is responsible for more of the bouncy, happy, mindless songs. John takes on the role of the pained. I can understand everyone’s fascination with John though, especially teenagers. He’s the sensitive artist and people can relate to him. Paul, on the other hand is a businessman, a carefree spirit , and pretty much a god all the way around. Sorry, couldn’t help myself. FYI his real name is James Paul McCartney Jr. and he did not break up the band. That is a common misconception. He was the last one to give up on the Beatles and was the only one holding it together at the end. When he finally gave in, they disbanded.

Mother
by John Lennon

Mother you had me
But I never had you
I wanted you
But you didn’t want me
So I’ve just got to tell you
Goodbye
Goodbye

Father you left me
But I never left you
I needed you
You didn’t need me
So I’ve got to tell you
Goodbye
Goodbye

Children, don’t do
What I have done
I couldn’t walk
And I tried to run
So I’ve just got to tell you
Goodbye
Goodbye

Mama don’t go
Daddy come home


When one is singing along to Yellow Submarine (vocals by Ringo, written by the dynamic duo, more Paul’s than John’s) it is ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE to sing in a cockney accent!

Quirky stuff

If the word joyous means filled with joy and grievous means filled with grief, why is cheerous not a word? And what is heinous filled with?

I was looking to buy some washed cherry pits online as I was feeling crafty and wanted to make some of those heatable/chillable pillows. The only place I found had a 40lb bag for $35. Not bad but I figured the shipping would be a lot. How about $85 USD!!!! Maniacs.

On a similar note I was looking online for a Chistening gown for my 2 month old daughter. I shop a lot online as I live in a pokey little cowtown. Holy crapping expensive batman! Most of them started at a coupla hundred U.S. There were a few at $1000+. Ok, for a wedding dress I understand, but a Baptism? For a baby? They won’t even remember. They can’t even go shoe or jewellery shopping to complete the ensemble. Sure it can become a family heirloom but that’s still taking a ride in crazytown. The only way I’d be willing to make that kind of investment is if, tied to the slip, was the complete set of textbooks for the first two years of university.

I went into a sex shop once to look for a fun gift for a friend. (This is the story I’m sticking to anyways.) On the counter was this ginormous vat of lube. We’re talking like 16 litres! I don’t even want to imagine what you would use that much lube for, unless of course you were a vet or something. Wouldn’t it be fun to buy it and put it on the back of your toilet and wait to see if guests said anything about it after using your bathroom.

When the first Harry Potter movie came out in England and Canada it was titled Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. In the States, however, the word Philosopher was changed to Sorcerer. A philosopher is nothing like a sorcerer! Why, why, why?

Remember Sprocket the dog from Fraggle Rock? What was the old man’s name? Does anyone know? Did he have a name? This has been driving me crazy for years. I need to get a hobby.

Morning radar

After lying in bed far too long this morning I was jolted out by the shocking realization that my huge music collection contains niether Radar Love nor Underneath the Radar. Where was my brain? No fear though, I am listening to Radar Love this very minute. Aaahh. This a.m. I also learned that my baby LOVES it when I cluck like a chicken. I can tell you I was damn sexy walking around the kitchen clucking with the cat hanging from my feet, apparently still high from yesterday's catnip binge.

I recently purchased a bag of balloons to make balloon-giraffes. If all goes well I will advance to balloon-swans. Then who knows, the nasa-balloon-space-station? I can hang my balloon-animals up all over the house and put a sign on the door. You guessed it: The Rubber Ranch. Hooray!

Am I the only one who thinks there are not enough Tim Curry movies?

Strife issues

So my Mom calls me and says "There's purple strife all over my bank". First of all she hardly ever calls so I don't know who I'm talking to. Secondly, what? So she repeats and I'm thinking omigod what is this purple strife and which bank does she belong to? It's probably some horrible computer nightmare that's just lost my entire savings of $14.25. Damn stupid banks! I should have kept my money in my hedgehog where it was safe. I'm thinking I really must start watching the news, only it freaks me out too much. She continues , "but it looks quite pretty." ???? Then I realize she means the bank in her backyard. Flowers, rocks, dirt, etc. Apparently, Purple Loose-strife is this weed-flower destined to take over the world. If left unchecked, purple loose-strife forms vast monotypic stands that will dominate an area and provide very little if any habitat for wildlife. News to me.
Anyways, two days later I'm racing through a lukewarm bath while the baby watches skeptically, when I have a pleasant memory of someone in my past who meant a great deal to me. Although the memory was good, nothing in particular, just a few thoughts, I knew it would ultimately depress me if I spent too much time on it. This made me think of the Purple strife. A beautiful idea but ultimatley killing the other good things around it.
That's it.

Why is it that everything I buy online arrives broken? Ok, not everything, but almost half. That's alot. I mean isn't there some kind of law of averages or something? Maybe I have some psycho-physiological attraction to broken crap. Kind of like that thing where the streetlights go out when I walk under them. Those of you who think I'm full of it can bite me. (you know who you are) I mean come on! When I went to the Calgary museum 2 lights went out above my head in the short time I was in the Asian art exhibit. Maybe because some of the art touched me deeply, maybe because I was 9 months pregnant and my hormones weren't the only things surging (psychic energies..hmmmm). Anyways, that was certainly not the first time. Back to my online broken stuff problem. It's probably because I worry about stuff like that because it drives me mental. Maybe the gods are displeased right now. That makes sense.

Why oh why do some people have to change their msn/email names every week??? With everyone using nicknames or a.k.a s to start with I never know who the hell I'm talking to. e.g: My name is Tom and my nickname is Titmouse, or Blocker depending on my mood. My msn name is Fancyfeet but last week it was the amazing Mr. Whizzle and while we're chatting online I'm probably going to change it again... and on and on.

When we bought out digital video camera it came with an instruction manual that has 151 pages in French and 150 in English. Thats 301 pages plus blank memo pages at the back! Hello. We've had the camera for 2 monthes and I've been too intimidated to even look at the manual. It's the world's driest paperback novel, with the exception of all Tom Clancy's stuff. (Sure his games and movies are great but have you ever tried to slog through his books?) A camera advanced enough to have a manual that big should be able to do everything by itself, manual-free. That includes the dishes and taking the dog for a walk.

What do you suppose it means when you dream you are at a double funeral in a field in the middle of the woods and are suddenly being chased by a pack (herd?) of bears? I must be stressed out.

On the up side, nothing in the world feels as nice as my tiny baby's hot , fuzzy head next to my cheek.

A picture may be worth a thousand words but cool pants are forever

I remember many moons ago when I saw Love Inc. in Kelowna the coolest part of the whole night was Chris Sheppard's pants. White shiny vinyl. Funny how I can remember that but often forget things like: who the Prime Minister is, the multiplication tables, my age... What was I talking about?

It's raining again. Don't you just love the smell of the rain? I have to open all of the windows. Some of the best memories I have are of walking home in the rain alone and just feeling good. Liberated. It's also extremely satisfying to lie in bed and listen to the rain in the morning when you don't have to get up. I have to admit sometimes the rain doesn't do the air any favors up here in cowtown Alberta. Sometimes it makes everything smell like dog poop. Sigh.

Stupid screwer-upper

Sonofabitch. I was just completing a truly inspired (and a little bit lengthy) blog for your viewing pleasure and I hit something and it's gone. No wonder Ken only lets me touch the computer with safety glasses and oven mitts on. Screw it, I'm going shopping.