Hail to the king, baby!

I've discovered the perfect sex test. Like if you're really not sure if someone is male or female. Just wait around for a bit and, if they have a penis, they will make a reference to Army of Darkness. Listen for things like Book of the Dead, That's Ash, Bound in Human Flesh, Boomstick, The Evil Dead or Bruce Campbell. This will immediately be follwed by Have you seen it? Of course I have! I swear to God, every guy I know owns that movie, used to own it, is currently shopping for it, or at the very least can quote from it. Joe, you might think this is because you referred to it the other night. Partly that and partly the fact that Ken referred to it last night. Have you seen it? In his excitement he always asks me that. Don't worry boys, I'm sure we all think it's very cute.

Quotes (just 2!)

Ash: Alright, you primitive screwheads, listen up: THIS... is my BOOM STICK!

Ash: You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Shit. And Jack just left town.

Beer Here!

You know you must be in love if you're on a diet and still you make your man brownies.
I'm in a pretty good mood today and I figure it's because I went for a couple of beers with Jen last night. I'd forgotten how much fun it is and exactly how long it's been since I went out for a drink with a girlfriend. I used to do it once or twice a week after work in Victoria. I need to remember to get out (sans baby) a little more. I need to make the decision before I'm reduced to a mass of tears, cowering on the floor behind the furniture. Mama needs a life too, dammit! Thanks Jen. Perhaps one day we will join the masses and do the karaoke thing, but I'll need a little more than 4 beers. Probably start with shots of tequila and work my way into something stronger! I'm not much of a drinker anymore.

Dementia Pussycat & The Leaning Tower of Lipstick

My cat is getting weirder. My mom suggested she may be getting dementia as she is about 77 in cat years. Great. Incidentally, that is the same age as my grandmother. She is building a tower of lipsticks and has approximately five-hundred boxes of earrings on her dressers and nightstand. The shoes in her closet are in boxes to the ceiling. It worries me. It's not just that she shops alot, it's that she can't get rid of anything (unless she can give it to me or mom.) She has a lipstick that she wore on a family trip to Arizona in 1970 and she can't part with it because it breaks her heart. It smells like cancer. My mom was freaking out about my Grandma's spending spree yesterday, saying that she's been like this since my Grandpa had a stroke and never came home. I asked her if she was this bad before and she said "No, all your Grandma had was an old, ratty, brown coat that she wore for years." Well, maybe that's why! I know she never really lacked alot, my Grandpa gave them a pretty good life financially. I also know he could be very, very hard to live with and perhaps it was easier for her to go through life with an old coat than to ask for a new one. I won't presume to have any idea! Who knows what happens in the psyche of someone else's marriage. Maybe she just misses having someone to take care of and doesn't know what else to do with her time. I know how therapeutic shopping can be. I'm afraid I also know what a compulsion it can be. I'm getting better. Heh heh. In the meantime, I hope the cat doesn't die under my bed.

Art Attack

I was browsing through some art and found this one interesting. Robert McGinnis is known for James Bond movie posters as well as nudes, landscapes, etc. This one I like because I have to think "Why the wheelchair?"

Sex & the City

Ooh ooh! I found a Sex & the City Quiz.
Actually, it's kinda lame.



You are Carrie. Cute, quirky and intelligent, men find it so easy to fall in love with you but things always seem to end in tears. you're a commitment-phobe and you find it really hard to get over your exes. Your dress sense is to die for and you blow most of your money on clothes, shoes and cocktails. Gay men love you.

Gay women love me too.

Badgertown

I'm sure everyone knows the Badger Song by now but it's MY FAVORITE. The first time I saw it I watched transfixed for like 8 minutes before I realized it was never going to end. I think I'll keep a shortcut on my desktop because I actually get the song stuck in my head.

Morning Mush

I'm trying to get my friend Sadie to Blog but she hasn't got a computer yet. If she does, I can assure you that it will be freakin hilarious. She is the epitomy of fun & games! At her house, every Sunday is Funday! She will also be the dj at our wedding. On that topic (see how I just ease into weddingtalk) I have a little survey for everyone. Please respond. Do you think A Little Help From My Friends is a danceable song for a wedding? No, it's not going to be the first waltz. I was racking my brains trying to think of a good Dad & me song and then I remembered that it's kind of our special song. I think it would be a nice surprise for him if we danced to it. All those Daddy's Little Girl songs make me want to barf.

Last night for the first time in 6 or 8 months I went on msn. I "chatted" with friends I haven't seen in years and years. It was good. It made me happy. All my friends are getting married and having kids and the surprise is finally wearing off. For a long time I would be shocked because we're so young. We're not though. We're all around the three-zero mark. Now the clock is ticking and it's surprising when people don't have kids yet. Scarey!

Yesterday I killed an hour in the drugstore. Sad I know. I bought a couple of greeting cards and that always takes a bit of time. I don't believe in giving a card unless I agree with the sentiment 100%. I saw these really nice Sweetheart-Husband type cards but didn't buy any because Ken hates cards. Even though we're having a Christmas wedding I don't think he'd like a piece of paper explaining that I love him at Christmastimeandalways. Sometimes I get a bit bummed because I LOVE that piece of paper. I can look at it over and over and put it in a scrapbook and get misty-eyed over it later. After I bought the cards I was cutting through the IGA parking lot and remembering the flowers he gave me a couple weeks ago. Just because. It made me all fuzzy because I realized that that was his "greeting card." He didn't give them to me because I whined about flowers, but because he was thinking good thoughts about me! His sentiment is obvious in the million other things he does for me. Rubbing my back in the morning, making me coffee, buying me an Eddie Bauer coat, loving my cat. This makes me very happy and I don't need a card. Of course, if he did present me with one that said "thanks for marrying me, you're pretty like Christmas" or something, I would cry over it and squirrel it away to cry over again at a later date. Another thing I love is his openness to me and his willingness to share. Basically, he keeps me in the loop. I was speaking to a friend this morning who never has any idea what's going on around her husband. I know more than she does! It would drive me crazy and hurt my feelings if I were her. Geez, enough of this tribute-to-Ken! You'd think I got laid this morning or something. In reality, I stumbled out of bed late and drank a neocitron and 3 cups of coffee.




My Babies.











In other news, I'm 84% Sexy.


I'm pretty sure Mary and Joseph took Jesus to Jerusalem because they couldn't find a babysitter.

Bad to the Blog

Movies I need to watch (or else I'll forget) in the next 2 weeks :
Frankenstein
Merchant of Venice
Crash

Just watched Charlie & The Chocolate Factory and was a little disappointed. I can see why people didn't like Depp that much. It was not his acting that was the problem, most people don't realize just how dark Dahl can be. For the record, I thought Depp was awesome. Part of my problem may have something to do with the fact that I paused it 50 times to answer the phone, deal with the baby, cook food, and at one point, glue the pants I was wearing to the living room floor. It just didn't seem as magical as the first one. Don't get me wrong, if I never heard Cheer Up Charlie again it would be too soon.

I feel gross. To compensate for eating half my body weight today, I drank double it. Now I weigh approximately 7 million pounds. Sigh.

If any of you B.C.ers saw that school bus almost flip over on the news a week ago, and if you saw giant Roger Rabbit eyes plastered to a window in a little house in the background, that was my dad. Washing dishes and watching and waiting to see if his kids' schoolbus would land upside down in his foyer. Good times. Everyone was ok.

Jen started a horrible horrible blog that I can't tear myself away from. I have to find more bad jokes! I'm addicted. I'm Bad to the Blog. Errgh, I did it again!

Heres & Theres

Once I lived a block from here.


I grew up here.



Now I live here.


I visited here and I loved it.



And of course here.


I felt sad here.

And sick here.


I'll be here in January.



Someday I'd like to go here.

Mother's Little Helpers

Yesterday afternoon I noticed I looked all yellow. Like I had jaundice or something. I thought it might have something to do with my new drug regime. At this point battalion may be a more correct term. Everytime I go to the doctor here for one little thing, I come out with a bag of drugs. I'm far too prudent to partake in recreational drug use so I keep myself busy with prescribed madness. It reminds me of a song:

Mother's Little Helper

"Kids are different today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
Mother needs something today to calm her down.
And though she's not really ill
There's a little yellow pill
She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day.

"Things are different today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
Cooking fresh food for a husband's just a drag.
So she buys an instant cake
And she burns her frozen steak
And goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And two help her on her way, get her through her busy day.

"Doctor please, some more of these!"
Outside the door, she took four more.

"Men just aren't the same today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
They just don't appreciate that you get tired.
They're so hard to satisfy,
You can tranquilize your mind
So go running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And four help you through the night, help to minimize your plight.

"Life's just much too hard today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
The pursuit of happiness just seems a bore.
And if you take more of those
You will get an overdose
No more running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
They just helped you on your way, through your busy dying day.

-- Mick Jagger and Keith Richards



I once had a doctor try (very persistantly) and prescribe something for me to get rid of the rash on my face after I continually told him it was only a little staining from the fake Halloween blood the night before. Or was it Valentine's Day? Can't remember. After I had the baby my (ex)doctor sent me home with a tube of oral freezing gel. For pain. FOR SEX. You know the stuff they use to freeze your face before dental surgery? Ya. Ahem. I can't imagine why anyone would need sex so badly that they'd venture into it without ANY FEELING in their loins. So if anyone needs a sealed, unopened tube of this stuff, it's still good! You know, in case you need to perform your own root canal or something. Any don't worry, that's all the sex-talk for this blog. I know nobody in Alberta wants me to talk about dildos again. I figure they don't have them here. Like PST or the old $2 bills. No wonder everyone's so uptight. Maybe instead of prescribing everyone pills...
Mother's Little Helper

Today I'm going to GP again with Jen, weather permitting and stuff. It's nice to put on makeup and pants and leave the house. Whenever I return home from Vernon I vow to make more of an effort to look and feel better. However, after a while you just don't want to bother putting on a dress to get the mail. It's a downward spiral. If you can't remember how to do up your bra, it's been too long.

Mmm Marsipants

Driving back from Grande Prairie a few days ago, I stared transfixed out the window a great deal of the ride home. After a little internetting I confirmed that it was Mars I was seeing, orange and glowing. It was so vibrant and big it almost had a halo. Pretty cool stuff. I'm not really into astronomy but have, on several occasions, wished I had a telescope in my possession.

Of course now it's all foggy and snowy. Stupid Winter.