Post Birthday Blues

As usual my Dad forgot my birthday. Almost six days already. I'm used to it. Sigh

Fun as Badger

I love the Badger song. If you like it too, you might like the Chutney animation and everybody should enjoy the Ultimate Showdown. Your welcome!

Sesame Feat

I'm listening to my daughter's Sesame Street videos. Brand new, complete with Elmo (shudder) Remember the good old days when there was no Elmo, but Ernie & Bert and the Doodle-bugs. Doodle-bugs rock! The adults on the show, however, are the same! Maria, Gordon, and the gang are all there. Imagine talking to socks for a living your entire life! Perhaps there are fringe benefits. Get it, fringe? Har de har. Anyways pretty soon it'll be more like Sesame Retirement Community, for the Senior Citizen who is a child at heart. And eventually, the Sesame Wing of the Pallative Care Unit. Enjoy a Sesame Fleet Enema Today!

Beans to Coffee!!

Why, God, why can't the coffee just make itself? How on earth can I possibly go through the monstrous routine of making coffee again? Maybe I should just wake up Ken and get him to do it. Who cares if he's on night shift. Just kidding, I would never do that. Even though his coffee is somehow (almost) always better than mine. Maybe it's the chemistry of it all, the raw testosterone vibe attached to the beans. Or maybe it's because he ALWAYS steals a cup before the coffee finishes brewing and somehow balances out the rest of the pot. The best best best coffee is when I let Ken make it to his desired strength, strong enough to stand a spoon in, and then he adds 1/3 cup of cream. mmmm But not a very good idea for those of us who do not want to gain 2lbs over breakfast! So now, I've dragged my sorry ass around the kitchen a couple of times, dressed the kid, fed her and the cats, cleaned the bathroom and disinfected the garbage cans... still no coffee. Soon now, very soon.







Better...




*photo art prints are by Tomasz Jankowski

Thirty...something?

Well, I had my 30th birthday and survived. I guess. Ken keeps telling me it's no big deal. I know that. Maybe secretely I want it to be a big deal. A little bit. We went out for a nice dinner at The New Asian Village, an Indian restaurant in Edmonton. At the end of dinner the waitress brought me a little bowl of rice puddingy stuff. In the centre was a reddish glob of unidentifiable meatball-bread-fruit with a sparkler in it. Everyone sang to me and at the end Sarah sang Happy Birthday dear Tracy, Here's a sparkler in some poo! For some reason, this is the funniest thing I've heard in like four years! Thanks Sarah, I laughed so hard I peed a little (on your couch)! Unfortunately, Sarah has never been made privy to the Badger song so I will post the link here for her. Hopefully, soon I will post some pictures of our fun dinner. Cheers!

By the way, everyone tried the "poo" in the pudding and nobody knows what the hell it was!

Oh, To Be Clad In Saucy Togs!

I don't get it, but I could totally see it on Jen.













This last shirt especially matches my mood this week!

COUNT THE PEOPLE

WAIT FOR THE SCREEN TO CHANGE

NOW COUNT THEM AGAIN

Bad Jokes Instead

I published an entry this morning and decided I sounded like I was crying into my hemp-journal while huffing green tea with my hippy friends. A little whiny. Here's some terrible jokes instead!

Your mom's so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.

Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.

Your mom's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.

Your mom's so fat, when I got on top of her my ears popped.

Yo mama so slutty, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone sticks their meat in her.

Yo mama so nasty, I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets three fingers, thrown in the gutter, and comes back for more.

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.


and remember...


Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.