Mother's Little Helpers

Yesterday afternoon I noticed I looked all yellow. Like I had jaundice or something. I thought it might have something to do with my new drug regime. At this point battalion may be a more correct term. Everytime I go to the doctor here for one little thing, I come out with a bag of drugs. I'm far too prudent to partake in recreational drug use so I keep myself busy with prescribed madness. It reminds me of a song:

Mother's Little Helper

"Kids are different today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
Mother needs something today to calm her down.
And though she's not really ill
There's a little yellow pill
She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day.

"Things are different today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
Cooking fresh food for a husband's just a drag.
So she buys an instant cake
And she burns her frozen steak
And goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And two help her on her way, get her through her busy day.

"Doctor please, some more of these!"
Outside the door, she took four more.

"Men just aren't the same today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
They just don't appreciate that you get tired.
They're so hard to satisfy,
You can tranquilize your mind
So go running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And four help you through the night, help to minimize your plight.

"Life's just much too hard today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
The pursuit of happiness just seems a bore.
And if you take more of those
You will get an overdose
No more running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
They just helped you on your way, through your busy dying day.

-- Mick Jagger and Keith Richards



I once had a doctor try (very persistantly) and prescribe something for me to get rid of the rash on my face after I continually told him it was only a little staining from the fake Halloween blood the night before. Or was it Valentine's Day? Can't remember. After I had the baby my (ex)doctor sent me home with a tube of oral freezing gel. For pain. FOR SEX. You know the stuff they use to freeze your face before dental surgery? Ya. Ahem. I can't imagine why anyone would need sex so badly that they'd venture into it without ANY FEELING in their loins. So if anyone needs a sealed, unopened tube of this stuff, it's still good! You know, in case you need to perform your own root canal or something. Any don't worry, that's all the sex-talk for this blog. I know nobody in Alberta wants me to talk about dildos again. I figure they don't have them here. Like PST or the old $2 bills. No wonder everyone's so uptight. Maybe instead of prescribing everyone pills...
Mother's Little Helper

Today I'm going to GP again with Jen, weather permitting and stuff. It's nice to put on makeup and pants and leave the house. Whenever I return home from Vernon I vow to make more of an effort to look and feel better. However, after a while you just don't want to bother putting on a dress to get the mail. It's a downward spiral. If you can't remember how to do up your bra, it's been too long.