Mental Disablahblahblah

People keep saying things to me about how happy I seem since I've been here because there's things to do and people to see and stuff. Everyone thinks it's great because it means I'm not really depressed, just unhappy with my life and my home etc. The good news is it's not physical, it's mental! Yee-fucking-haw, I say. What the hell? Am I supposed to feel good about this?? What would everyone have me do, pack up and leave High Prairie by myself? I love Ken waaay more than I hate High Prairie and I'd never expect him to give up a good job for me. It's not an option. If he were to decide it was in our best interest that would be different and that might be great. But, who's to say things would be any better somewhere else? Maybe I'm just not crying and moping around the house because I don't have any privacy here. Maybe everyone else around here has such fucked up shit that mine doesn't seem so bad. Maybe if I let myself get sad I know I'll have to stay sad until my honey comes and puts Humpty back together again. Hah! I do know that I'm going to LOSE MY FUCKING MIND if this baby keeps on like she has for the last 3 days. Yay for Aunty Nessy coming tomorrow! It would be better if I had wheels here, that's for sure. My mom works everyday and tonight my dad came to take us for dinner and the carseat couldn't be tethered to his vehicle. We ordered in and Celia decided to make strange. This kid has never been shy in her little life and tonight she screamed bloody murder the whole time my dad and sibs were here. I felt bad. I think my dad felt bad because he left his jacket and cell phone here and lives out of town and has to come back tomorrow. Celia won't sleep or eat or let me change her. She finally passed out upstairs and now I have to move her and she'll wake up and be up all friggen night.
Wow, what a rant! I need to periodically spew and then I feel great. Like a blog-enema! Have I mentioned this before? It sounds familiar.

Maybe if I change my hair I'll feel better.

In the meantime, I think I'll snoop around ebay until it's way past my bedtime. Mmmmm....ebay.