I have the worst hair during PMS (premarital stress)

Today's Zodiac: Alot of people will piss you off because you already have a million things going on. DO NOT let anyone touch the hair yourself or any loved ones! Don't drink and draw.


I took Celia to her last "music class" last night. Thank God. A bunch of moms sit cross-legged on the floor singing and rocking like autistics, supposedly with their kids on their laps. In reality, the kids run around like drunken monkeys tearing stuff apart. Then they get plastic eggs full of rice to shake and fight over, later assorted instruments, and finally tambourines. All the while, a women speaks/sings slowly on a tape deck. If I hadn't paid in advance, I wouldn't have gone 7 times. At least last night we didn't get the puke room. Good times. I took Celia for a haircut and her adorable little hairdo, which only needed a little touchup, was butchered. Her bangs sort of zigzag around her hairline. Right before family Christmas, and our wedding. Sometimes she looks like a prime candidate for the Sunshine bus. Especially when she wears nothing but a diaper and one mitten. So proud. I was so upset I went to the hairdressers and tore her a new asshole. I didn't yell, it's not my style. The bitch argued with me about what I want and offered to fix it. She kept trying to convince me I wanted it layered. I won't allow her to touch Celia's golden locks ever again! The day before that I spent $180 and an entire day at the hair salon to find out my hair can't be dyed. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK. The last 2 days I spent fighting with Amazon. I went to the doctor and refilled my valium prescription. I figure the closer I get to the wedding the more stressed I will be. If that's even possible. Maybe it's just the anticipation-stress before the Vernon-stress which I'm sure by now everyone's familliar with. I know it's not totally sane, but I CAN NOT deal with Celi's hairdo. I can't! I feel like I haven't seen Ken in weeks except for the occassional shouting of "Moose Knuckle!" from the living room. I don't suppose I mentioned my estranged step-father of yore decided to call my mom and ask about my wedding. Perhaps, he'll stop in. Sure. Great. Just what I need. This man is not horrible, that would involve a little motivation. He's weak, whiny and must have left his balls in a public bathroom sometime in the 70s. I have dealt with my anger towards him a long time ago and now I'm left with indifference and perhaps the slightest bit of bitterness. It would be nice to have contact with my stepbrothers again.
We'll see.

For Ken

Jumpin' on the Bandwagon

I have to join in the fun! My answers will be titles of Beatles songs, naturally.


1. Are you male or female?
GIRL

2. Describe yourself:
I'M SO TIRED

3. How do some people describe you?
TO KNOW HER IS TO LOVE HER

4. How do you feel about yourself?
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND

5. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend:
HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN

6. Describe your current boyfriend/girlfriend:
TIL THERE WAS YOU

7. Describe where you want to be:
HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE

8. Describe how you live:
LEAVE MY KITTEN ALONE

9. Describe how you love:
WHY DON'T WE DO IT IN THE ROAD

10. What would you ask for if you had just one wish?
CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE AGAIN

11. Share a few words of wisdom:
ACT NATURALLY
LET IT BE

12. Now say goodbye:
HELLO GOODBYE

The problem with this band is they have so many songs I could fill this out 10 times and have all differen't, but fitting, answers. Don't worry, I'll keep that project to myself.

Safety Smart Ass

It's just as I suspected. When I got the mail today, curiosity got the better of me and I flipped through Ken's TOLKO Safety Smart Magazine. It's a Cosmo. All the models are wearing hard-hats and there are articles like Confessions of a Control Room Operator, Binge Drinking: A Coke Machine Drama, and Gucci Coveralls, On & Off The Catwalk. Of course there is a monthly quiz Hard-hat or Helmet? and for the ladies there is an agony column featuring a renowned OSB/GYN.

Stupid Crap

Your Pimp Name Is...

Nurse Pump

What's Your Pimp Name?

I was bored so I looked up a few names. These are my favorites:
Jen = Sugar Butt Tickler
Joe = Ribbed Dynamite
Patrick = Pimp Daddy Shagswell
Treena = Sugar Butt Mystery

Your Sexy Brazilian Name is:

Rafaela Arósio

What's Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

Some Favorites:
Ken = Tarcisio Otelo
Troy = Fábio Rodrigues

Laughter, the Best Lubricant

Things that made me laugh my ass off this weekend:
A t-shirt that said: My Other Ride Is Your Girlfriend
A t-shirt that said: It's Not Going To Lick Itself!
A liquor store called Liquor Spot. If you are not laughing, say it out loud and slowly. That's Sofa King funny.

Looks like Revenue Canada has politely asked me to bend over and spread my cheeks, only this time at the insistance of the B.C. Ambulance Association. I have an outstanding debt for a bill I never received for an ambulance joyride I took in Victoria in May of 2002. So, at this rate, they should remember to bill me for transporting my pregnant self around the country in about 2008. I'll get myself ready! The good news is it's only $54. It's just the point. The dink I reached on the phone kept saying, in some mangled form of broken English, "Please, understand this, Ms. Berndt..." Ya, please understand this, Asshole, I don't know what you're talking about. We agreed that he could send me a bill so that I at least had a paper trail to swear at and wave in peoples' faces during my Revenue-Canada-Bashing-Parties (held every second Saturday at the Elk's Hall). If I do not pay this it will be garnisheed from my government cheques, gst, etc. Oh right, I'm not eligible to receive anything!! I think this renders me ineligible to pay anything. And by me I mean Ken.