Merry Christmas

You might wonder what kind of loser blogs on Christmas day, especially at 4:27 am. One with chronic insomnia, that's who. Still no babies, so don't bother asking. I find I am barely able to focus on anything right now. Banking, avon, two-way conversations. I hope this gets better for me or I'm screwed! All I really want is to feel a little bit Christmassy, but I can't even do that right now. Santa is a few days behind schedule around here due to Ken & Nessy's jobs and the whole pending birth situation. I miss my parents. And I don't want to go to Edmonton again this week, which I'll have to do if I don't go into labor in the next 30 or so hours. Evidently my new laptop keyboard is going to take some getting used to as I keep adding extra ms and ns to every word. That's right, baby, Mama's got a new Ferrari!

Ridiculous

http://www.myheritage.com

It Matters Not

After commenting twice on Ken's Blog, to no avail, I realized it's not gonna work until he changes to the new Blogger. It's just as well. I hate political/religious stuff. It usually involves me doing research before I open my yap, and that's too much like work right now. As I sit here drinking my morning coffee in my new favorite mug (Starbucks Christmas Theme) I remember a quote I really like.

It matters not
Who you love
Where you love
Why you love
When you love
Or how you love
It matters only that you love.

John Lennon

Let me just say that if you are lucky enough to find someone you want to spend your life with, you should be able to marry them. For the record, I am the worst Catholic I know.

On a lighter, more pear-shaped note, there is still people living in me! I'm very, very pregnant. People say, how can you be very pregnant? You're either pregnant or you're not. Well come over here and say that, wiseass! Have you ever seen those cartoons where one character accidentally swallows another for a second and you can see their arms and legs waving under the stomach. Me. To top it off, I'm not recommended to have the baby here. But I can't really have anywhere else without a valid passport and $500, 000. It seems a Sunday in March (Celia's birthday) is not the only shitty time to have a kid around here.

Here is my list of recent movies that sucked balls:
The Wicker Man (started off well, then sucked)
Lady in the Water (sucked beyond comprehension)
The Wild (ripped off Madagascar, forgot the humour)
The Break Up (I officially now hate all Jennifer Aniston movies, even Vince couldn't save it)
Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (too long, not very funny, more disappointing than sucky)
The Devil Wears Prada (had potential, not remotely funny)

Lately, I find the movies I don't want to see are more satisfying to watch because, if they are remotely entertaining, I wasn't expecting it. E.g. Nacho Libre. The part where Jack Black is running in sweatpants almost killed me. If you've seen it, you'll understand. You just can't fake that. Like a car crash.

If anyone's interested, it is not recommended that a nine-month pregnant woman stand on an Ikea footstool. Ever.

I Had To

Tracy Michelle Fenner's Aliases

Your movie star name: Popcorn Michael Your fashion designer name is Tracy Venice Your socialite name is Babby Dooter Victoria Your fly girl / guy name is T Fen Your detective name is Cat Seaton Your barfly name is Jello Pornstar Your soap opera name is Michelle Granville Your rock star name is Chicken Feet Train Your Star Wars name is Trapan Fenvin Your punk rock band name is The Mellow Boobie Paperweight

The Amazing Meganame Generator

Yup, everything sounds about right!

Tired

I'm soooo tired. Can a person die from tiredness? It's like every day I get more tired. Then I have a relatively energetic day and I know the next day I'm gonna pay. You'd think after weeks of insomnia and broken sleep, you'd catch up one night, right? Not so much. The best part is when you do muster the energy to drag your butt out of the hous, people think they are doing you a favor by clucking their tongues and telling you how dreadful you look. Gee thanks. If I needed that, I'd go stay at my grandma's house.

I've officially stopped watching LOST. The whole show just pisses me off and season three has been a letdown so far. It's like watching Days of Our Lives, but everyone is half naked.

Shows where characters should NOT be half naked:
Days of Our Lives
Sopranos
Frasier
Seinfeld
Harry Potter (not a t.v. show, but ewww!)
Anything involving Leno, Letterman, or Conan
Any cooking or home design show (hot oil & stapleguns)
Who Wants to be a Millionaire

CSI might be hit and miss. Hmmm. Anyway, Catherine already can't keep her cleavage out of the way. I swear every episode it gets longer. It must start somewhere around her navel and end in her middle-aged-neck-wrinkles. Maybe it's there to draw attention away from her bad lip-job?

Baby Banter

Sooo, I totally suck. And I bitch when other people don't blog for a while. I guess I've just been too busy BUYING EVERYTHING ONLINE! Seriously, I'm outta control. I went to town alone today and shopped everywhere. It's boring here. It's friggen cold and there's snow everywhere and there's no point in doing my hair anymore. Even though I got a cool new style. If I go out, I wear a hat. I either need to start putting up Christmas crap, or this baby needs to come out. NOW! I feel pretty good for someone who never sleeps and looks exactly like I swallowed a basketball. Scratch that. Medicine ball is more accurate. That's what it feels like when I'm in bed and try to roll over without a pulley. I figure I'm due in three weeks. The doctor thinks four. Screw that, I say, I was there! There was no one else in the room. If there was, it would all be documented on video like any other saturday night in the Fenner household. I've not blogged partly because right now it's hard to focus on non-preggy things and I absolutely refuse to become one of those women who has to keep an online diary of everything from her morning sickness to her breast tenderness to her vaginal mucus. This annoying self proclaiming inevitably results in an online tribute to the baby. Like anyone, other than the new parents and grandparents, cares. Yeah, we have a baby blog. But it's just the occasional pictures, not a documentation of every milestone. Wheee, baby Herman had FOUR big poops today. Yippee! Now that I've offended at least some of you. I have to haul my bulging belly and my tender breasts to the kitchen to make dinner. Ciao!

Ode to Jen (or at least her geekiness!)

Oh how I miss Jen! I watched LOST last night and was thoroughly distressed. I'm lucky to have caught it at all without Jen here to remind me when it's on. Jen, I don't know if you are following it still or waiting for the dvd. I don't want to ruin it, but they killed one of the best characters off! Bastards! Also, I'm not sure I'm liking this season so much thus far. And another thing, nobody here is up to date on the Harry Potter books, so when you-know-who #1 did that thing to you-know-who #2 in the last book I almost freaked out. I need counselling. I really do.

Stumped

Dammit! I found the funniest pictures but they are plastered with copyright warnings as they belong to an "artist" or some crap. Imagine a guy, completely adorned with flowers, reclining in the woods with a stag's head and a huge semi-hard penis resting on his thigh. Or a guy half submerged in a pond, he's covered with peacock feathers and displays a hairy, flaccid dink bobbing in the mirrored water. Yeeaagh!

Just thought I'd check in. My creative juices have been thwarted so I'll have to come back in a day or so. Knock on woody.