Take a left on Pork Street until you hit Burrito Boulevard...

While driving to my brother's, I looked up at the sign and thought it said Pork Street. It was actually Park Street, but it got me to thinking. There are subdivisions where all the streets are named after birds, or trees, or precious gems, so why not meat? E.g. Pork Place, Burrito Boulevard, Bung Avenue, West Breast Crescent (in the Poultry Park area of course) Then my Mom yells out "Taco Trail" and coffee almost comes out my nose. After much discussion and a mild coffee spray we decided this would be an acceptable pronoun. For example: Get outta my face you taco-trailing, rat-bastard, ass-bandit! Rat-bastard is one of my mother's favorite terms, as is Whoring-sons-of-bitches. These terms are best used casually and without raising the voice. First say "I'm going to the coffee shop around two, see you there." Now in the exact same tone of voice say "I'm going to see if those whoring-sons-of-bitches at the bank have my account sorted out yet." Easy-peasy!

Things I hate today:
Shitty customer service (50-80% of Vernon)
People who give me parenting advice when their little monsters are clearly screwed up
Acid wash anything
Maxwell House coffee
Liars
People who will bitch for a year about something/someone but never attempt to deal with it

What in the hell is the matter with everyone working retail in Vernon? I'm trying to plan a friggen wedding there and now my choices are based solely on the customer service I get. I'm willing to pay a little more to not have to deal with useless assholes all day. Futureshop (Vernon only) may be the worst yet. Everytime I go in there, there are more staff than customers and you still have to wait a half an hour. It's like a bunch of monkeys put on uniforms and run around in circles. Like the Shriners at a parade- it's neat how they go around and around and never smash into one another, but does anyone know what they actually do?

Quotes from The Kentucky Fried Movie:

The popcorn you're eating has been pissed in. Film at eleven. -Newscaster

Moscow in flames, missiles headed toward New York. Film at eleven. -Newscaster

I'm not wearing any pants. Film at eleven. -Newscaster

Although, so far there's no known treatment for death's crippling effects, still everyone can aquaint himself with the three early warning signs of death: 1. Rigor mortis. 2. A rotting smell. 3. Occasional drowsiness. -Henry Gibson