Trailer Trash and Mr. Dressup the Faggot

After my last entry I was desperate to see an interesting movie. With a name like The Human Stain, I was less than thrilled about the whole thing. Then I saw the names: Anthony Hopkins, Ed Harris and Gary Sinise. Woohoo! (I'm not a Nicole Kidman fan particularly) After careful deliberation I've decided it should be called The Human Shit-Smear or Inhuman Straining or even Beginning of a Good Idea Crapped out Halfway Through and Are We Actually Supposed to Feel Sorry for the VICTIM-SLUT? Not impressed at all.

The other day I was thinking about things I did when I was a kid. I remember I used to have a couple of friends who lived in a trailer park. I remember how great it was to play there. There was no negative connotaion attached, just the idea of a bunch of kids who lived close together and could play relatively unsupervised. Awesome! Trying to remember, I'm quite sure the place was nice and neat and clean. It was low income and there were alot of single moms there but nobody cared. When did "Trailer Trash" become a thing? The trailer parks around here look like they should be aired on pay-per-view. Frightening actually. Dirty kids in their underwear playing in the street and junk cars everywhere. There was, however, a "welfare building" in town. Everyone who ended up leaving their husband (they beat them) and couldn't work (3or more little kids) ended up there for 1 to 2 years. Some women I know ended up there 2 or 3 times and now their kids are all grown up and bouncing in and out of there too. There is a place that has been renovated a couple of times but still has negative connotations all over it.

When I was very small there were 3 kids' shows on t.v. Sesame Street, The Friendly Giant, and Mr. Dressup. There was no Mr. Rogers where I lived, thank goodness. I thought Mr. Dressup was The Bomb! I still do. When he died I actually squeaked out a tear because I never got to write him that fan letter I had been thinking about for 20 years. My Dad told me one day that "Mr. Dressup's a Faggot." Okay, I'm 5. I don't know what Faggot is but my dad is always saying stuff like that and I know better so I ask a reliable source, Mom. "Dad says Mr. Dressup is a faggot" I cry (literally). She replies "We-ellll, he is honey" and walks away.

Bawling.

I started to suspect conspiracy when I told my parents I was in love with Gordon, the bald, black man on Sesame Street and they told me he was a faggot too. I realize now that the word "faggot" had nothing to do with sexuality it was just my parents way of expressing thier opinions that someone was a loser. Boy oh boy, I can't wait to start screwing with my kid's head!

If my parents were any judges of character they might have taken a closer look at Michael Jackson during the eighties.

No, perhaps that's not fair. Nobody could have forseen what was going to go on with that FRIGGEN LUNATIC.

The 80's gets alot of flack for being bright and loud and tacky. I think it was great. Punk, Glam, all of it. Everybody trying to look as unique and beautiful as possible. Granted, there was some bad hair, but try to appreciate the sentiment behind it. I'm big, and shiny, and pretty! Anyone who can condemn the 80's must have lived through the 90's. As far as I'm concerned, that's when everything went to shit. It was like a bad remake of the seventies only without flair, originality, good music, and freedom of opinion. Everything anyone did was wrong. The clothes in the early 90's were worse than the 80's and the hairbands WAY worse. Even Bon Jovi lost credibility. Haha.

And what's with the whole grunge thing?
My brother is 3 and a half years younger than me and it's like a decade. When I was a teenager all the girls wanted to look like girls. All his girl friends look like their trying to win a homeless-androgeous pageant (with the exception of his very pretty girlfriend, Venessa, the last of a dying breed of accessorizers.) Thank goodness he has good taste. Really, what's wrong with trying to look nice once in a while? Or at least female? I'm not saying wear a dress everyday, but shave your legs, and put on some pit-stick fortheluvvagod!

In conlusion, let me summarize today's points:
1. The Human Stain Stank
2. My trailer trash friends were cool
3. Mr. Dressup was WAY cool
4. Gordon from Sesame Street was sexy
5. My parents were mean
6. The 80's STOMPED the 90's
7. I'm pretty and I smell nice

"... and this one time when I was in the 4th grade I made fake puke in a bucket and then went to the movie theater and I went into the balcony and I leaned over the side and made this sound 'OOOORRRR! UHHRRRRR!' then I poured the puke over the side and then, this is the worst part, everybody startin gettin sick and pukin all over each other, and that was the worst I've ever felt in my whole life.” -Chunk, The Goonies [1985]

"Fitty dolla bill! Fitty dolla bill!" -Data, The Goonies [1985]

"It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear." -Norm , Cheers